It is an honor that you are here, Thank you!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Happy Anniversary to....


Today is February 16th, 2012, and three years ago today I was blessed with the only gift that is completely selfless... and that is the gift of organ donation.  Not only did I receive these beautiful Lungs that allow me to be here, but it also reminds me that someone had to lose their life, a loved one or a partner, in order for me to be grateful on this day.

Every year at this time, I get to celebrate another year full of life, with the people who mean the most to me.  My friends and family.  I can tell any stranger my story, I can tell you my story.  But you will only hear about it from my point of view.  The best experiences in life are the ones you suffer through.  I am not going to lie when I tell you I was scared, because I wasn't.  I didn't panic, I didn't cry all I can say is that this was the most amazing day of my life.

I have been given the gift of life again.  a gift that not many people get to experience in their lifetime.  I get to live life twice.  I cannot undo what I have done in the past, but I can better my future for all those involved.  Today I can say that I can do that, I can do this.  Three years ago, I wasn't coming home.  The love i have for my second unknown family, is about as intense as the love I feel for my own flesh and blood.

Their child, spouse, or partner is inside me, living on through me, and breathing to keep me alive.  These lungs are a part of me, a part of them a part of a future that I almost never had.  Last year I wrote to my donor, this year I did not.  Does that make me a bad person, that I am not regarding my donor family for everything they have done for me to be here?  I don't think so.  I have reached out to them, but i cannot force them to talk to me or write to me.  It's probably still painful.

Would you want to talk to the person who is taking the lungs of your loved one?  Who was taken from you suddenly and without notice?  No, you probably wouldn't, so why would I expect them to do the same.  Life is like a crystal glass, if you bang it around to much it will break.  Slow down, you move to fast, you've got to make the moment last.  My lungs are my life now, everything I do is for them, keep them safe, medicated and full of hot air, oh wait that's my head... no that's the lungs.

I am strong because;
Someone gave their life to save mine.  
Someone made a choice to let me live.
Someone thought of someone else,
Someone thought of me.

I am Strong because;
I have a loving family,
I have loving friends,
I have air in my lungs,
I have life in my soul.

I am strong;
Because I said so!

I am strong;
Because I am me!

What is this life for....

As I was sitting at my parents house tonight, I have come to the realization thaat I am one lucky girl. Ok so I have always known I was lucky but now I know how really lucky I am. As my third anniversary comes creeping up on my, in four days, I realize that there is more to life than I let on. I have been introduced to some wonderful women, with whom I don't seem to talk to as much as I think I should be. My wonderful hubby, Derk, introduces me too many of his friends wives or girlfriends and I don't think twice to call them to do something with me.

 What is wrong with me.

 Maybe it's because I am so used to doing things on my own that I don't even think to call them. Not only them but the girls I have met at work. Maybe it is just me, but I think I suffer from severe anti social behavior. I will socialize at wire, but I win't think twice to call anyone outside of work. Or maybe it's because I am too tired after work, and all I want to do is sit on my couch watch a movie or Criminal Minds. It's not that I don't like these people I think these women are wonderful, but they all have something in their lives that I do not have and that's children. How do you socialize with people who have children and you don't? Take for example my bestest friend Ashley, she lived across the gall from me, her kids grew up with me Round so I was familiar, my new driends have kids, they don't know me from Adam.

 There is a kin ship with people who have kids, they can compare lives, but who's life sod I have to compare with? Even my CF friends are having babies... You heard that right, cf'ers can have babies, and we make pretty sexy pregnant mommies too. My life is exactly what I want it to be, but it has been brought to my attention that I. Need to get and do stuff for myself. I agree with that. I have a new job, and I have my own money coming in, so why don't I do something for myself?? I guess I am the kind of Weston who doesn't like to make plans with people, because any time I make plans with people they all back out, or something else came up.

 Maybe I am the type of person people actually like around. Am I too spunky, hyper whatever you want to call it, or am I just really boring to be around. I am not up with current affairs, I hate politics and the way the government is run, I hate that I would have had to pay for my medication but it took a woman to stand up to men to tell them that we as. Cf patients cannot afford to pay hundreds even thousand sod dollars to stay alive.

Maybe I am sick. I don't know what I am. I live for today, not knowing what will happen tomorrow. No one knows what will happen, so I am not going down that road. I don't have complaints that I know of, although my husband would probably say otherwise. I love my job, my family and my close friends with nwhom I consider sisters, maybe I don't want the drama that having many sets of friends it brings.

 I am not the only owe with a telephone, I may bethe only one without a cell phone, but my home line rights the same. On that note I am going to talk is down a little bit, and enjoy what i have left of my weekend. So, sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite, and enjoy the Grammy's.

Chers Ali