I can't believe I am awake at 6:30 in the morning. But it's like I said before, when you start thinking about what your are going to blog about next, you have to either do it now, or it will stir in your head for a long time, and you will never get back to sleep.
I was told some great news yesterday. I have made it one step closer to my goal of a wonderful new life. No, I haven't gotten the call for new lungs just yet, but I have gotten the call about a bed becoming available in Toronto. Yep, you heard it first here folks, I will be moving to my new home. For the next little while I will be a Torontonian, I am not 100% happy about, seeing as I hate big cities. They are too fast, to loud and most importantly, NOT HOME!
I talked to my most wonderful and understand hubby about this, and all I could think about was that my family, who are the most important people to me and a huge part of who I am, won't be able to visit me on a whim, like they kind of can now. Now, not only will I be anticipating the call to a new life with clean, clear new lungs, I will be worrying about the distance my family has to travel when when visiting me. I will worry about them when they drive up, if they are driving alone, what if they get into a car accident, what if the weather isn't clear. Then once they are here, I will be worrying about whether or not they will get home safely, and again the weather and the accidents.
When I am supposed to be the most excited, I think I will be the most nervous too. Not for me by any means, I have been ready for this since I did the Assessments two years ago, but for the people who will want to see me. Catch 22 I guess.
I have mixed emotions when it comes to leaving. I want to stay so I can see anyone at any time, but I want to go. I want to go so bad, that I can't imagine how I couldn't possibly be excited. I think I am going to have to think for myself for once, and not worry about what others have to do to be with me. I have to stop thinking about the "what if's".
Another day and another step closer to my new life. Wow, all this in one week, and I couldn't be happier.
You're right Alison. It's one step closer to your goal, and that is what 'everyone' wants for you. I've seen how your family loves you, and I know they would travel to the ends of the earth for you, and enjoy every moment of the journey to get to you. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteTry not to wory about things, just yourself and getting better. You need to think about you and everything else will just be a bonus and fall into place.
ReplyDeleteYou are very loved, even when we are not with you. Everyone thinks about you all the time, just know and feel the love is there.
Wishing and hoping and praying with you.
Love ya lots
Jo
Hi Alison! I found your blog their our Cyster, Cara's blog! My name is Sara, I have CF, and received new lungs on 07-08-08! They are one of the BEST things that has ever happened to me and my life is more rich and full in EVERY way since we became a team :)
ReplyDeleteStop by my blog any time, or if you have any questions about tx or anything, please don't hesitate to ask.. I was so thankful for all the fellow transplantees out there, and still am, they made me so much more at ease with the whole tx process!
My BEST to you! May your new lungs come SOON :)