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Monday, December 8, 2014

Pre Christmas Banter


Well tis the season where I begin the bringing in of emotions.  Lately I have been feeling a little out of sorts.  Crying at a Heart and Stroke commercial, crying when Montreal's beloved Jean Beliveau passed away.  I am not usually emotional this time of year, but I think someone inside me is trying to get out and say a little something to the world so I am going to let them take the reins and tell me what is bothering them.  If you are wondering who I am referring to, this would be my Donor.

Lately I think that my donor is a little depressed, passing on their sadness to me.  Making the mundane things a little more exuberant in my head.  I feel for my donor, they (I will now refer to they as she) she has been having issues with little things.  The Heart and Stroke foundation commercial would strike a cord as this was how she had passed away, was sudden cardiac arrest. Also known as DCD in the medical world.

The passing of Jean Beliveau, who was loved by so many, means to me that she was also loved by many, many who will not be able to see her smile, hear her laugh or be able to hold her again.  I feel sometimes that a good hug to a loved one makes me feel a little bit better.  It brings a smile to my face, almost as though her heart and her soul are being hugged at the same time.  So when you see me, and hug me, make sure to give it an extra squeeze, I think my donor needs it too.

This is always a time of the year I  am most grateful, as I almost didn't have this to hold on to not long ago. So i can justify the little things that go wrong at this time of the year.  When my heart feels a little off it's rocker, I stop and think about the trials that I have gone through.  Transplant isn't a cure, it's a temporary treatment that is supposed to last a little longer than any ordinary medication cant do.

My life is like a glass ball, it's balanced now, it will be balanced as long as i can keep the tenants in the body happy.  It's not a matter of them making me happy, it's me making them happy.  It's frustrating and ludicrous at some times, but it's definitely worth the fight I do to keep them happy. I have so many things to be grateful for, but most of all, like it is always going to be.  It's about the family I have never met, and perhaps never will.

If there was a way I could meet Theresa Caputo and hear all about my Donor my family that is gone and just to know that when it's time, there will be people waiting for me.  Now that this conversation has gone morbid i am going tos top here and say these few things that will always bring me back to the now.

"Life is given, not taken, it is shared.  Someone somewhere will be there to greet you".

After all, I am the angel at the gates of heaven, who will meet you.

Can't be anything wrong with that right.

End of Day!

Good night