It is an honor that you are here, Thank you!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

My Sisters Keeper

Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why,
when I am in special need of help,
the good deed is usually done by somebody on whom I have no claim.
~ William Feather

I have just finished watching the movie, after having read the book about 2 months ago. and it made me cry. There are some aspects of the book that were left out obviously, but some things that were left to the imagination.

Watching this movie, made me thin of my donor, and how fortunate I am to be here today, living and breathing like there was never anything wrong with me in the first place. But there was, and now there is not. I felt the pain in the Kate's voice, knowing that sometimes, that was how I felt. When I was alone, the thoughts that ran through my head were like daggers digging into my heart. I didn't want to go, but I was tired of fighting. I didn't want to leave my family behind, and see them all suffer without me being around. Some things you cannot control, and then some things are left to chance.

My donor's family, were gracious enough to donate. their lungs, make me a stronger person today than I have ever been. So see my family laughing and playing and just being as wonderful as they are, I couldn't imagine being ready to leave them. But i was.

When I was in Toronto, and thinking the worst was coming, I was preparing myself to go. I was ready for God to take me to heaven and let me live the rest of eternity by his side. But he had other plans for me. I can't thank him enough for giving the donor family I got, the lungs I got and most importantly, my family and husband. Because without them, there is not reason to go on.

I have to much to accomplish int he next little while, that I want to be here, to tell you all about it. I think, that sometimes I dream about my donor, there are these people in my dreams that I have never seen, and dreams I would never think of having. Being a part of someone else, or having them a part of me, is like living in a whole different world. A world that no one really knows how you feel, or where you are coming from. i think of things that i haven't thought of before, like thing that i never liked before. Maybe these were things my donor liked, or maybe it's just me being stupid.

Everyday is like a new experience, and new adventure. I have this new found energy. Maybe it's because I am watching what I eat, or maybe it's just because i am totally aware of what gift I have been given, and what to take advantage of everything I can. Not too sure if my donor will ever get back to me, so I have sent them another card, just to let them know that i am thinking of them all the time. Maybe some day I'll get to meet them, and see what kind of person they were before they passed away.

"Thank You: Two small words to convey the infinite feeling in my heart"

Life is like that sometimes. You get the good the bad or the ugly, and i am fortunate enough to get the good. Not only will these new lungs be on a trip of a lifetime with a new body, but they will also experience a Olympic life for a month. I am taking to them to Vancouver this year in about 12 days, I am not packed, but my meds are definitely ready to go. I have my camera charged, by memory card ready and the experience of a lifetime coming my way.

I will so be blogging about that, when i can, and attaching pictures too.

"I would thank you from the bottom of my heart,
but for you my heart has no bottom."
~ Author Unknown