Do people not see the pain in my eyes, that is not knowing where my lungs come from. The unknown of who has helped me stay alive and live for another 50 to 60 years. I know it's hard to feel the pain of losing someone so close to you. I understand that they want to be alone, that they want their privacy, but i want to know more about the person who helped me live and the courageous family who helped make that hard decision to allow me to live, while their loved one has moved on.
We were a perfect match, does that mean, on some level we were destined to meet at some point? How do i know I haven't met them already, and this is all a formality. How do i know whether or not this set of lungs is form a young girl or boy. How will i ever know what this person did for a living. And why me zest for life has increased by billions.
I thank god everyday that i can breath, that despite having grade 1 rejection, I am very optimistic that this is going to pass. This is minor set back, a little bump in the road of life. i am thinking of my friends Marc, who is struggling with the decision to get a transplant, and also thinking of my dear friend Meg, who as we speak is in the hospital getting a tune up. i hate tune ups, but having people who are looking out for your best interests is important.
I have a nurse i like to call my guardian angle. Even though we didn't get along so famously in the beginning, we are now a part of each other. She knows what i fell, what i think. Almost like a part of me, in some sense of the word.
|My life is like a river, ever flowing and always rejuvenated.|
Making choices on how to live your life, can change your life. what you decide ultimately, makes your life different. If i chose not to have the surgery i wouldn't be here. But should have chosen to wait it out, I could still be waiting for lungs. But God has other plans for me. His choice allowed me to live my life for a lot longer than i could have ever imagined. I am forever grateful for this choice he has made for me.
Until i have another epiphany, i will sign off, with good thought and love in my heart. Prayers to all my Cf friends who need them right now. And sending love to all those who ready this. You are all my life line, an someday, when this blog get's published, my list of recipients far outweigh the choices i have had to make in my life.
Sending the love