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Tuesday, December 16, 2008


So they tell me I am going to be admitted, I am staying in. Starting in Ottawa from December 16th until the 23rd, that is 1 week. They want to try new meds on me, and want me to be close in case they aren't any good. These meds are rarely used, and or not yet approved, sure I'll be your Guinea pig. I am in Ottawa right now, and Dad has just left, my room is somewhat cozy. Light burgundy in colour are the door, cupboard and radiator, with white walls. This isn't home, I'll be moved from this room, to another one pretty much exactly the same, but the bed faces the other way. The man in the room next to me likes to sing, I don't know what he's singing, but he sings.

My transplant teleconference is on Thursday. Dr. Aaron says he's going to come, along with Ena, my Mom, Dr. Pakhale and a resident. Dr. Pakhale is one of the new CF doctors, nice lady. Dr. A says he's gonna push to get me on the list... the list... what a sentence, "you'll be put on the list". My body has become so immune to the medications now, we have no choice but to try. 6 months to a year i could be on the list, the list... on my god the list. WOW~!!

I am ready for this, I have done my research, asked my questions, followed blogs of post tranplantees and of the ones who waited and just received, I hope someone that matched me has signed their donor card... have you signed yours?

I am not afraid, I don't want people to pitty me, or feel scared for me. I don't want people to think I am, don't cry for me, there is no reason to cry. I have a great chance to be who I once was. I CANNOT WAIT. When I won't get tired from breathing, i never had that problem before, never fully understood why people said they were so tired when they would breath, now I know. I never fully got it, I never fully understood, i never fully understood.

The anticipation is making my chest ache, of what's to come, knowing I am in the right place, for the right stuff. It's kind of like Real Estate, I have leased this space for almost 30 years, and it's time to find a new tenant. God if your reading this, make sure you find me tenants that want to spend a really long time, a second lifetime.