Last night, for the first time since her passing, I had a dream about Eva. I never got to meet her, but we wrote. And she was a beautiful, kind intelligent soul. and from what i encountered in my dream, she was quite to comedian. She laughed with me, cried with me. In my dream i remeber calling her Eva, and saying that I didn't want her to go. She then gave me a big hug, and told me not to worry, things are better this way.
She is right. She doens't hurt anymore, she can breath easy. Knowing that gave me peace of mind. She is as beautiful in my dream, as you could possibly imagine. Her beautiful red hair glistening in the summer sun. I never thought I would wake up feeling so at ease with my life, and decisions I have made, but I did this morning.
Eva was a shining star, not just in the sky, or in our eyes, or on the stage, but in a community where life is so uncertain. It can change so rapidly, that we don't even realize it. As my friend Ashley said in her blog, I look in themirror at my scars and can't believe that this is what I went through. The wait so short, the healing so quick, and all i have are scars.
i wish I could see what had really happened, or live through what my family went through, just for a oment. But that will never happen. I loe hearing what my familt have to say about what they went through, now if I could only get them to put pen to paper so I can add it to my book.
I am listening to Alison Krauss, and the song she is singing reminds me of Eva. It's a perfect fit for her. Although it might not be her style, but it's definetly a song I can see her singing. With her voice of an angel.
"The smile on your face let's me know that you need me,
there's a truth in your eyese saying you'll never leave me,
the touch of your hand, says youll catch me when ever I fall,
You say it best when you say nothing at all."
The radio station I am listening to is exactly the kind of thing I need to listen to, to remind e of all the important people in my life. Here is a list of my CF friends that I hold close to my heart... Eva, Amie, Ashley, Conner, Emilie, Emily, Cara, and Meg.
Well, I can't change the outcome of some situations, I can only pray that my friends stay as healthy as possible, and hold God close to their hearts.
I love you all, and can't imagine my life without knowing you.
My Sister's Keeper
Change of Heart: A Novel